Managing Holiday Stress in Three Stages
These tools are intended to be supportive strategies for navigating stressful and tense holiday gatherings. If you’d like to hear the background discussion that inspired this post, checkout this podcast episode, which covers the layers of overwhelm, chaos, and a wide range of emotion many of us feel heading into the holiday season. Jacqui Acree and I wanted to offer approachable and simple ways to recenter during holiday gatherings as we navigate dysregulated nervous systems, big family emotions, and more. Choose your level for today –
PANIC! I’m distressed at the Holiday gathering:
Take a Pause + Add Comfort and Validation
This is for when you feel like you’re going to pull your hair or scream (or both!). Take a moment to get away and have a pause to reconnect with yourself. Sometimes this is useful when your nervous system is truly in a stress response, and you need to feel safe again.
Step One: Get Away
Go outside or go for a short walk if you’re able
Go to the bathroom and lock the door
Step Two: Validate and Comfort
Take a few deep breaths
Validate yourself: “I see you, I see how hard this is. I see how ______” [fill in the blank with what you want to witness for yourself, like I see how hard you’re working to make this holiday special for everyone, I see how you’re making such an effort to be kind when you’re feeling frustrated]
I’m sitting at the dinner table, and I’m feeling a little dysregulated:
Micro Tools for Self-Regulation
These tools are focused on getting us back into our bodies, reconnecting with our breath and our surroundings, and establishing a calm, grounding presence. During our conversation, Jacqui discussed calming the nervous system through micro moments like holding a warm drink or a deep sigh.
Mindful breathing: place your thumb at the base of your index finger. As you inhale, trace your finger with your thumb to meet the top of your fingertip at the top of your inhale. Trace back down to your palm as you exhale. Move to the next finger.
Cyclic sigh: two in breaths, one out breath: https://scopeblog.stanford.edu/2023/02/09/cyclic-sighing-can-help-breathe-away-anxiety/
Rub your upper arm with the opposite palm
Breathe deeply, and send your attention to your toes or your seat points
Rub your fingertips together and notice the ridges on your fingertips
Hold a warm drink in your hands; notice the warmth
Drink something ice cold
The holidays are coming, and I know I need to have a good foundation for myself before things feel too hectic:
Self-Maintenance
Most of us don’t have a ton of excess time for self-care. As I’m writing this, I’m nearing the end of a second full day without leaving my house. If someone told me to take time to get a massage (or even a haircut!) right now, I’d probably scoff at them. With what free time?! However, Jacqui offered this helpful reframe to think about certain tasks as self-maintenance, which feels essential to be able to operate, rather than considering them self-care, which is valuable but can feel more like a luxury. The tasks below are meant to be self-maintenance, and most of them can be accomplished in 10-15 minutes/day or while doing something else if needed.
Journaling
Going for a walk or simply getting fresh air
Turn off inputs
Play! (For example, play with your pet, play a sport or a game, dance around the room)
Laughter (What made Jacqui laugh this week + What made Steph laugh this week)
Listen to the full episode here:
