Falling in Love by Enneagram Type
What is it like for each Enneagram type to fall in love? The tendencies in this post were submitted when I asked about falling in love in my Instagram stories.
If you want to know what to do once you ARE in love, grab a copy of my book, The Enneagram in Love , or even Enneagram in Real Life, for guidance on using the Enneagram for relational wholeness!
As you read, keep in mind that these describe behaviors of the types, whereas the Enneagram is about core motivation. Obviously, certain motivations mean certain types are inclined to act in certain ways (for example, 8s often act in ways that are self-protective), but these lists aren't meant to be used for typing! Just because you don't fully resonate with your list doesn't mean you aren't that type.
There is a FREE self-typing guide here if you are trying to figure out your type!
You can find what other people of your type have to say about this post here.
As a Type One
When I'm falling for someone…
I often remain composed on the outside, but inside I’m falling quickly
I tend to be more outgoing and adventurous!
I like to really get to know them first before I get too invested
Trust can take me a while because I want to be sure
I look for dealbreakers (not to be a pessimist, I just don’t want to get too far into the relationship and find them later)
I’m nervous at first, and sometimes I don’t want to show them who I really am, but I also want to be authentic
As a Type Two
When I'm falling for someone…
I’m very open, and I go out of my way to talk to (or flirt with) them
I really love getting to know them heart eyes
I am afraid they might pull away, so I make myself indispensable
I’m very attentive to their needs, yet I wonder if I’ll be enough for them
I talk about how amazing they are to all my friends
Sometimes, if I feel like I’m giving of myself too much, I pull away
I sometimes shift myself to be more of what I think they need
As a Type Three
When I'm falling for someone…
I try to act casual about it until they tell me they like me first
I need to know where it’s going. It’s fine if they don’t like me, I just need clarity
I am anxious at first, but I relax and get more confident as things move forward
I can be flirtatious and charming, but I’m not always like that
If they like me too, I’m all in!
As the relationship grows, I am more trusting and open
As a Type Four
When I'm falling for someone…
I instantly begin to romanticize them in my mind
I want to know all their thoughts and feelings, and I love deep conversation
I am pretty open with them, but I don’t normally share all the love and romance I’m thinking about
I need affirmation that feelings are reciprocated
I want to commit to them, and I want them to commit to me
It’s hard for me to believe someone really likes me
I work hard to set healthy boundaries both for self-protection and so that things can move forward at a natural pace
As a Type Five
When I'm falling for someone…
I often notice myself wanting to be around them before I cognitively realize I like them
I ask a lot of questions and get to know them
I am slow to put a label on things because it feels so permanent
Once I’m in, I’m in! I get very invested in relationships (that’s why I take it slow)
I feel feelings, but I’m not normally the first one to share
I overanalyze how things are going. If I’m going to make a move, I want to make it count
I don’t typically show how strongly I feel
As a Type Six
When I'm falling for someone…
It takes me forever to admit to anyone that I like someone (especially to myself!)
I’m really tentative because I never feel sure that the feelings will stick
I am always authentic from the beginning. If they don’t like me for me, I want to know now
Once I admit I like them, I want to hear what my close friends think
I take time to scope out how trustworthy someone is before I enter a relationship with them
It’s a lot easier for me to start crushing on someone I already sorta know than it is to like someone completely new
As a Type Seven
When I'm falling for someone…
I don’t get attached if it doesn’t seem like a good fit, but I’m curious
It takes me a while to feel comfortable enough to be emotionally vulnerable
Putting a label on it can feel terrifying because I’m afraid I might get stuck
I fear commitment because I’m not sure what is going to happen, not because I’m flaky!
Once I’m committed, I start thinking about the future a lot
I want to be asked directly (don’t hint that you like me, just tell me!)
As a Type Eight
When I'm falling for someone…
At the beginning, I wonder if it’s too good to be true and look for red flags
I think of the worst-case-scenario and run through all the reasons it won’t work
They have to show me that they are trustworthy and in it with me
I don’t fall easily, but when I do, it’s for keeps!
It’s not that I don’t want to share how I feel, it just takes a lot to let someone in
What you see is what you get: I’m not going to act like I’m someone else just to get you to like me
If I choose to be around you, you matter to me
As a Type Nine
When I'm falling for someone…
I typically don’t float from crush to crush – once I like someone, I like them for a while
I want to get to know them, but I want them to make the first move
I tend to be shy about it and withdraw, but I really like feeling happy and connected
It’s important to me that my friends / family get along with my crush (not a dealbreaker but it matters)
I want to get to know them, but I have a hard time making the first move
I need affirmation that my voice and presence are wanted
Once it’s “official,” I give a lot of myself to the relationship!
What are you like when falling in love? Let me know here on Instagram.
Want to explore more about the Enneagram and how to apply the Enneagram to your everyday life? My book, Enneagram in Real Life, provides you with a step-by-step guide to use the Enneagram as a practical tool for self-discovery, self-awareness, curiosity, and relational wholeness.
