Let’s explore how we respond to expectations – if you feel like I’m trying to break your brain with this post… I’m sorry 😆!

I know there could be 4-5 more points on each type, but my thought with this post was to notice our similarities and differences!

This is specifically speaking to how we often respond when others place expectations on us. I started thinking about this concept when noticing that we often overlook this about 9s in particular! The rage piece is often missed when thinking about 9s, and this is one of the biggest differences between 9s and 2s.

If you’d like to read more responses from each type, check out my Expectations highlight on Instagram.

NOTES:
1️⃣ The connected dots on the images (at the bottom of this post) aren’t intended to go in order. They may connect in order in some cases, but not in others. This is meant to be a visual representation of all of the different ways we are similar and different.

2️⃣ Do I know that this look a little wild? YES! That’s the fun of it!

3️⃣ For Type One, a lot of Ones wanted to add ***PANIC***

4️⃣ For Type Four, a lot of Fours liked the additions of “existential crisis” and *dramatics.* For the record, I think we could also throw some *dramatics* on Type Seven, and it wouldn’t be inaccurate.

5️⃣ Did this hurt your feelings? Probably, yes. But did it also hurt MY feelings? Also yes.

6️⃣ I know you expect me to make things very beautiful and easy to understand visually, and look at me just doing the opposite. Somebody give me a pat on the back! 😂🙃

You can find what other people of your type have to say about this post here.

Type One

Oh no, what if I suck at this | Give me a rubric | Next time you ask someone to do this, here’s how to do it | I’m going to go above and beyond!!!

Ones often think about how they can go above and beyond, but they also like to get as much clarity as possible. Ones often fear being bad, wrong, or at fault, so they pay attention to the exact ways they can excel.

Though their inner critic may convince them they are terrible at the task at hand, they persevere (perhaps after a little procrastination). They can likely improve upon whatever process they’re given.

Type Two

How’d I do? | No problem! | Totally keeping score | I’m going to go above and beyond!!!

Twos don’t typically shy away from expectations, and they often rise to the occasion to do whatever needs to be done. It’s important to them to maintain positive rapport with people around them.

With that said, Twos can also find themselves frustrated and resentful when others keep taking from them and never give back. Therefore, sometimes Twos find themselves burned out and angry (though they may override these feelings and say yes anyway).

Type Three

Give me a rubric | How’d I do? | I see your expectation, and I raise you this even higher expectation | I’m going to go above and beyond!!!

Threes focus on being worthy and impressive in the eyes of others. They like to meet and love to exceed expectations, garnering admiration. Threes also tend to feel like they’re never doing enough.

When Threes believe they’re not enough, they put their worth into how others see them, and they struggle with overdoing, overachieving, and burning out. Often, they can swing to the opposite extreme of apathy and resignation.

Type Four

Oh no, what if I suck at this | Please, just, no. | I’ll do it *my way* | Why?

Fours aren’t always resistant to expectations, but they like to understand WHY the expectations exist. They often rebel, and they love to put their own spin on things. Some Fours are highly perfectionistic and become overwhelmed.

Comparison is a key focus of attention for Fours: they compare themselves to others, and they often come up short. They believe they’re missing something everyone else just seems to “get,” and they can be deeply self-critical and feel inferior.

Type Five

Create distance | Please, just, no. | Why? | I’ll make the rubric

Fives are astute stewards of their time and energy. They want to make sure to use their energy where it counts most, so they carefully consider various factors when responding to expectations.

For Fives, this dynamic is especially contextual, and they may be more willing to go along with expectations in certain areas of their lives, as long as it makes sense. If they feel intruded upon by expectations, they’ll likely distance themselves.

Type Six

Give me a rubric | I’ll make the rubric | Why? | I see your expectation, and I raise you this even higher expectation

Most Sixes will question almost everything, yet they still may go above and beyond to raise the bar. For example, Sixes will be not just responsible but over-responsible, and their projects will not just be well-thought-out but extremely well-thought-out. Overdoing is often insurance against the plan falling through.

Sixes tend to be fairly ambivalent about a lot of things, so they might want others to tell them exactly what to do, but they will likely still push back and second-guess the expectation. They tend to live in this back-and-forth a lot.

Type Seven

Please, just, no. | Why? | I’ll do it *my way* | Totally keeping score

Sevens can seem very happy-go-lucky, but the quickest way to find their rebellious streak is to tell them what to do. Sevens prefer not to be told what to do! They’d rather do it their own way.

Even though they might not experience “rage” in the face of expectations, they’ll often experience frustration and resistance. If they find the expectation is something they can do or want to do anyway, no problem! If not, they may need more inspiration.

Type Eight

Why? | Rage | Next time you ask someone to do this, here’s how to do it | I’ll do it *my way*

Eights avoid being controlled, and expectations (especially arbitrary ones) feel more like a power play than a necessity. If the “expecter” is incompetent or controlling, rage may be particularly fierce.

However, Eights can also meet expectations by going above and beyond: they see it as a challenge, and they will 100% deliver. Along the way, they’ll make sure to give feedback on the best way to do it next time.

Type Nine

Create distance | Please, just, no. | Ugh, fine. | Rage

Nines have a reputation for being easy going, but beneath the surface they can be quite stubborn. Nines resist being controlled, and they can experience expectations as burdensome and overwhelming.

Sometimes Nines like clear expectations, and they’ll happily do what’s necessary, but if a Nine tacitly agrees to an expectation they don’t wholeheartedly stand by, they likely won’t follow through.

So what do you think? How do you respond to expectations? Let me know here on Instagram.

Want to explore more about the Enneagram and how to apply the Enneagram to your everyday life? My book, Enneagram in Real Life, provides you with a step-by-step guide to use the Enneagram as a practical tool for self-discovery, self-awareness, curiosity, and relational wholeness.