Things That Feel Like the Worst-case Scenario | A Reinterpretation of the “Core Fear” of Each Enneagram Type
We often hear about the “core motivation” and “core fear” of each Enneagram type. When I’ve talked about this with people who love the Enneagram (including many of you!), the term “core fear” doesn’t quite resonate. Instead, I’ve begun to teach this as what each type is avoiding or what feels like the WORST for each type.
Of course, losing life, health, and family probably top the list for all of us, so when writing about worst-case scenario, I didn’t focus on those. Instead, I focused on what feels like the worst-case scenario in life, communication, & relationships.
I added some strategies to extend human kindness to each type (let them know they’re not alone) and some self-care tips for the types as well. NOTE: simple = uncomplicated, not easy!
You can find what other people of your type have to say about this post here. Share these if they resonate, share them if you need a little hand from a friend right now, and be sure to reach out to those around you who might need a little extra connection. 💕
Type one
THINGS THAT FEEL LIKE THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO IN LIFE, RELATIONSHIPS, & COMMUNICATION
Finding out I was wrong and someone else knew it before I did
Letting others down
Being seen as "less than"
Learning that I was right all along: I'm only loved if
I'm perfectBeing accused of being untrustworthy or hypocritical
Never being good enough
LET A ONE KNOW THEY'RE NOT ALONE
Reach out & tell them one way they have impacted your life for the better. Be specific!
SIMPLE SELF-CARE FOR ONES
Look in the mirror & say out loud: I am good, I am enough, and I embrace my imperfections because they show my humanity.
Type Two
THINGS THAT FEEL LIKE THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO IN LIFE, RELATIONSHIPS, & COMMUNICATION
Not being needed
Being dismissed, disposable, discarded, or rejected
Feeling unappreciated
Trying so hard to please others that I lose myself
Learning that I was right all along: I'm only loved if others need me
Never feeling certain about where I stand in my relationships
LET A TWO KNOW THEY'RE NOT ALONE
Reach out just to check in. Connect relationally & have a good laugh.
SIMPLE SELF-CARE FOR TWOS
Notice what you need today and offer that to yourself as you would a friend. Write yourself an encouraging note and place it somewhere you'll see it tomorrow morning.
Type Three
THINGS THAT FEEL LIKE THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO IN LIFE, RELATIONSHIPS, & COMMUNICATION
Not being seen by others
Having no room to grow or reach my potential
Feeling that l've lost myself in producing for recognition
Being seen as insignificant or fraudulent
Never meeting my full potential
Being a disappointment
LET A THREE KNOW THEY'RE NOT ALONE
Call to celebrate their latest accomplishment AND celebrate them for who they are - not what they do.
SIMPLE SELF-CARE FOR THREES
Be still for a few minutes. What do you need? A deep breath? A hug? A walk outside? Let the answer come from within.
Type Four
THINGS THAT FEEL LIKE THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO IN LIFE, RELATIONSHIPS, & COMMUNICATION
Not making a real difference in the world
That I'm missing something everyone else has or understands
That I'll never live up to my potential
Being "too much"
Feeling like my true self is rejected
Never fully understanding myself or being understood
LET A FOUR KNOW THEY'RE NOT ALONE
Offer them space to process out loud - respond ONLY to empathize NOT to fix. Let them talk it out fully & show them love by remaining with them.
SIMPLE SELF-CARE FOR FOURS
Look in the mirror & say out loud: I am enough. I am not too much. I am loved as lam. I love myself as l am.
Type Five
THINGS THAT FEEL LIKE THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO IN LIFE, RELATIONSHIPS, & COMMUNICATION
Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time
Being without resources
Feeling depleted
Being unable to escape from draining situations
Feeling misunderstood
Others assuming that I'm cold or unfeeling because l'm thinking
LET A FIVE KNOW THEY'RE NOT ALONE
Listen to them talk & ask them questions. Be clear that you want to understand them & their ideas, and let them process without rebuttal.
SIMPLE SELF-CARE FOR FIVES
Move your body. Even if it's just taking deep breaths, reconnecting with your physical existence might help ground you and calm your busy mind.
Type Six
THINGS THAT FEEL LIKE THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO IN LIFE, RELATIONSHIPS, & COMMUNICATION
Not being okay when all is said and done
Being stranded without a plan or things I need
Not being liked because I bring up what l'm thinking about
Feeling unsure or unsafe
That others don't rely on me as much as I rely on them
Someone betraying my trust
LET A SIX KNOW THEY'RE NOT ALONE
Reach out and check in. Let them know that they matter to you & that you have their back.
SIMPLE SELF-CARE FOR SIXES
When things feel overwhelming, take a little break. Try going for a walk outside, breathing deeply, & reminding yourself "I am okay."
Type Seven
THINGS THAT FEEL LIKE THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO IN LIFE, RELATIONSHIPS, & COMMUNICATION
Being left behind or missing out
Limiting my options by failing to make the best choice
Feeling like I am without freedom or free will
Being seen as stupid because l'm enthusiastic
Having to depend on others
Never finding real satisfaction
LET A SEVEN KNOW THEY'RE NOT ALONE
Reach out to see if they want to talk or spend time together. Even if they seem busy, they might really need some connection right now.
SIMPLE SELF-CARE FOR SEVENS
Notice when you're feeling a little frantic and let that be an invitation to pause. What do you really need? What feeling is hiding beneath your anxious feelings?
Type Eight
THINGS THAT FEEL LIKE THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO IN LIFE, RELATIONSHIPS, & COMMUNICATION
Being labeled cold and emotionless
Letting loved ones down or failing to protect them
Being caught in vulnerability by someone I don't trust
Failing or not meeting my full potential (which feels like failure)
Not making a difference in the world
Being dependent, weak, or exposed
LET AN EIGHT KNOW THEY'RE NOT ALONE
Let them know you appreciate all their effort and that you see how passionate they are to do what is right in the world.
SIMPLE SELF-CARE FOR EIGHTS
Take a walk outside to process how you're feeling. Allow yourself to be truly present and vulnerable in the moment. Call a friend you trust & talk about it.
Type Nine
THINGS THAT FEEL LIKE THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO IN LIFE, RELATIONSHIPS, & COMMUNICATION
Being at odds with others
Speaking up for myself and creating tension as a result
Learning that I was right all along: my presence doesn't really matter
Lacking unity at home, at work, or in my community
Losing sight of what matters most
Loss of connection with others
LET A NINE KNOW THEY'RE NOT ALONE
Reach out and tell them how their presence in your life has impacted you this week. Be specific!
SIMPLE SELF-CARE FOR NINES
Notice when you are convinced your opinion doesn't matter. Imagine how you would respond if a friend or loved one felt this way. Extend that kindness and encouragement to yourself.
For a deeper dive on Enneagram types, grab my book, Enneagram in Real Life! You can also jump into the conversation by joining our community over on Instagram!
