In this post, we’ll explore ways to support each Enneagram type in friendship!

From reading all the responses to the questions I posed in my IG stories, I can tell you a few things about friendship for any type:

We all want loyalty, honesty, and someone who is a good listener. All Enneagram types shared these priorities.
We all want someone who will show up for us.
Most of us want friends who are not quick to judge and accept us with kindness.
Compatibility in friendships *may* be a thing: not because certain types can't get along but because some individuals see things really differently. If it's important for one person to share all the same values with their close friends, then someone with different values won't be compatible - nothing to do with Ennea-type here!
Everyone is not everyone's cup of tea, and THAT'S OKAY! Some 3s & 9s make great friends. Others are like oil & water. It just depends on the individuals.
Each person is in charge of their OWN mental & emotional well-being. While we are responsible for the impact our actions have on one another, it’s important to remember that we are not in control of other peoples’ feelings or health.

At the end of the day, I came up with this framing - how to support me as a friend - because I think it captures that many individuals of the same type shared the same ideas about friendship AND we can hold these things loosely.

I also believe that the best way to be a good friend and to feel supported as a friend is to be a good friend to yourself: practice the same kindness, acceptance, non-judgment, and quality time you want from friends with yourself. 😊

If you’d like to see what others of your type had to say, you can find them on Instagram here and join the conversation!

Enneagram Type Nine

Encourage me that sharing my thoughts won’t jeopardize the relationship
Appreciate my quirks
Let me take some time to process
Be a really, really good listener
Give me time to vent / express my ideas without interrupting
Maintain clear and open communication

Enneagram Type Eight

Sometimes I need space, but even if we don’t talk every day, please know I still value you!
Clear communication
Let me be passionate or loud or energetic about things that matter to me
See and appreciate the soft / tender side of me too
Be consistent in character
Don’t share things I’ve told you in confidence

Enneagram Type Seven

Offer openness and understanding
Don’t be afraid to let me know what you think
Remember that I’m not only happy - listen to & affirm my feelings
Spend quality time with me
Go along with my zany ideas!
Help me through it when I’m feeling left out

Enneagram Type Six

Don’t give up on me when things go wrong
Let me know you care
Make sure your actions & words are aligned
Consistency & connection are key for me
Mutual honesty is super important! I feel uneasy if I’m not sure you’re being honest OR if you are offended when I’m honest
Share in my humor

Enneagram Type Five

Respect my boundaries
Offer follow-through & reliability
Understand that I sometimes need space but I still really want connection
Engage in conversation & exchange ideas with me
Ask about my mental capacity before unloading (I want to listen but can’t always be present for that)
Intellectually stimulating conversation is my favorite!

Enneagram Type Four

Don’t assume you know how I’m feeling - sometimes how I feel about something shifts, depending on the day... I’m still processing
Show curiosity about my interests and intellectual pursuits
Take time for mutual emotional sharing & depth
Just be yourself! I want to get to know the real you
Be open to knowing me more and more over time
Learn about me & appreciate my quirks

Enneagram Type Three

Remember I’m not always as tough or confident as I seem
Offer encouragement without competition
Get excited with me!
Offer safety to be my real self
If I’ve let you see vulnerability, don’t exploit or make light of that privilege
Let me know if something bothered you - I’ll feel that things seem off, even if I’m not sure what happened

Enneagram Type Two

Reach out first, not just after I’ve asked how you’re doing
Ask me thoughtful questions
Be a good listener
Show reciprocity & intentionality
Remember I have passions & dreams I’m chasing! I’d love for you to join me (I feel like people forget that about 2s!)
Offer encouragement & emotional mirroring

Enneagram Type One

When I’m self-critical, remind me that you see me differently
Reach out first sometimes
Honor my values & convictions (even if you don’t share them)
Show encouragement & understanding when I share self-doubt
Don’t call it out when you’ve “caught” me in an imperfection
Transparency is key for me

Want to tag your best friend & tell ‘em why you love them? Let them know here on Instagram!

Want to explore more about the Enneagram and how to apply the Enneagram to your everyday life? My book, Enneagram in Real Life, provides you with a step-by-step guide to use the Enneagram as a practical tool for self-discovery, self-awareness, curiosity, and relational wholeness.